Topsy Turvy
by obsidians
Summary: Ranma has a strange encounter in an alternate universe. Who are you strange people? One shot


I don't own Ranma, only Mousse and he's tied up in my closet.

Ranma was walking down the street minding his own business when he felt something unusual about his clothes; his legs were bare. He looked down to find himself; er herself wearing a tasteful red miniskirt that showed firm supple legs and black sandals shod her tiny feet with their red polished toenails. She gasped to see that with this she wore a sleeveless black blouse that was unbuttoned just enough to show a hint of breasts. She frowned and peeked into this to find that she wore a black lace bra beneath. She was certain that the panties she wore beneath the skirt matched these. Something tickled her neck and she touched it to find that her hair was unbound. She looked into a shop window to find a beautiful young girl with tastefully done makeup staring back at her. She stood there stunned until she heard someone yelling "Mousse why can't you love me?" she turned to find Shampoo glomping onto him while Mousse ran away from her.

"Shampoo we're just friends. I don't know why you can't get that through your head. It doesn't matter how often you challenge me or propose to me, as you have since we were three, I simply don't love you," he cried as her crossed his arms and glared at her.

"Love me Mousse" she wailed as she clung to his arm.

"I'm not going to marry you, I have a fiancée" he said and brightened when he saw Ranma. "There she is, my precious angel," he said running up to Ranma and flinging his arms about her.

"Mousse what the hell are you doing?" she said, shoving him away.

Mousse looked at her shrewdly through his perfect eyes and said "you kinky little vixen, are you role playing again? Shouldn't we do this somewhere more private? I can't even imagine where you found that harem girl outfit that you wore last night" he whispered to her in such an intimate tone of voice that she blushed.

"Mousse what the hell are you talking about, you know I'm a guy," she said shoving the amorous Chinese martial artist away.

"Of course I know that, but you hate being in your guy form. I've known that since I came looking to kill you for defeating me during a tournament, only to find out that you were a beautiful woman. Then great-grandmother came over here to open a restaurant, only to have my personal stalker show up," he said glaring at Shampoo.

"You never marry him Ranma. Mousse's mine. I challenge you to martial arts contest for him!" she said glaring at the confused Ranma. Shampoo was stalking Mousse? Ranma was engaged to him and apparently they had a healthy sex life? Wait, that meant that he was putting his…inside her, she realized feeling queasy at the idea.

"What? How?" she stammered while Mousse held onto her.

"Like you would win against her," Mousse snarled at her.

"What's going on here daughter-in-law?" Cologne asked when she joined them.

"You tell me, what do you mean daughter-in-law?" she demanded.

"Well you're marrying my great-grandson, so that is the honourific title that I like to call you," she said looking affectionately at Mousse, he returned the look.

"I can't wait to marry her great-grandmother," he said with a blush.

"I take it that you two had fun last night when I happened to 'accidentally' leave you alone" she purred. Mousse just laughed and Ranma blushed.

"See you old mummy, she slut" Shampoo said with her hands clenched in anger.

"You get back to work Shampoo" Cologne said giving her a smack on the head with her club.

"This not over" she said slinking past Ranma.

"I'm not engaged to you; I'm engaged to Akane" Ranma shrieked, pushing him away.

"That's news to me, I thought I was engaged to Tatewaki Kuno" Akane said clinging to Kuno's arm. Ranma's jaw dropped to find him wearing blue jeans and a black polo shirt.

"Where's your Kendo uniform and bokken?" she asked him.

"At home in my gym bag waiting until I wear it for practice. It's not like I wear it all the time," he said.

"Kuno you alright, why aren't you quoting poetry?" Ranma asked, wondering if the world had gone mad.

"That's Akane's department, she spent an entire year quoting poetry at me and giving me rose when trying to capture me," he said giving her arm an affectionate squeeze.

"It worked didn't it?" she said with laugh.

"I'm glad I ran into you two, I wanted to take all of our friends out to celebrate Akane's victory, she won the prizes for best cooking and knitting at the fair.

"Ranma I don't know how you can wear such immodest clothes" Kodachi chided. She was wearing a long shapeless skirt and a baggy high-necked blouse. "You should dress like a lady," she said to her.

"Not everyone wants to be a nun," Kuno said to his sister. "I love you but wish you would loosen up a bit, you don't want to be a stick in the mud"

"I shall always behave as a lady should" Kodachi said primly.

Ukyou joined them. Ranma could only stare in shock at her frilly, pink dress.

"See Ukyou always dress appropriately," Kodachi said.

"Ukyou's the biggest girly girl we know" Akane said affectionately, leading Ranma to believe that she and Akane were best friends when Ukyou just giggled at this.

"It's true, that's why I run a crafts store," she said.

"Ukyou where are your breast bindings and giant spatula?" Ranma demanded.

Ukyou looked at her confused and then said "Mousse are you two role playing again. I would never bind my breasts and as for that giant spatula, it's in the attic where I put all remnants of my former life after my father died. That time was so unfeminine" she said with a girlish shudder.

"Don't you remember that you're engaged to me?" Ranma prompted.

"I don't know what sort of game you two are playing, but I don't think that Ryoga would like that," she said.

"Were you talking to me?" Ryoga asked joining them.

"Hi honey" Ukyou said giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Ranma was just explaining to me that she thinks she's engaged to Akane and myself," Ukyou explained.

"Impossible, Ukyou and I have been engaged since her father gave mine his cart as her dowry" Ryoga said, cracking a fang toothed grin.

"That's not how it happened, it was to my father! I'm a guy and I'm engaged to Shampoo, Akane, Ukyou and Kodachi; not to Mousse," she cried.

"Role playing again you two?" Kuno said grinning at Mousse.

"Yes but I'm yet to figure out my role in this" Mousse said with a frown.

"All of us? Sounds like you're quite the ladies man" Ukyou teased..

"As if I want Shampoo in this fantasy of ours" Mousse said with a dramatic shudder.

"Mousse you love Shampoo, not me" Ranma almost pleaded.

"I can't stand her, she won't let great-grandmother and I alone. She's lucky we gave her a job and the attic room to stay in" Mousse said.

"Akane you're a tomboy" Ranma said swiveling to her.

"No I'm known for my feminine arts" Akane said.

"You own an okonomiyaki restaurant and dress like a guy," Ranma said to Ukyou.

"My father did and I never would dress that way," Ukyou replied.

"You run around in a leotard and are a gymnastics martial artist" Ranma cried to Ukyou

"I would never reveal my body in one of those distasteful uniforms, I intend to enter the convent" Kodachi said.

"Ryoga you hate me, please tell me that you want to kill me. You remember our fights right?" she cried.

"Why would I hate my oldest and best friends, are you feeling alright?" he asked her.

"This is all wrong, none of you are supposed to be this way. Everything's wrong" she cried.

"It's okay honey, I'll look after you" Mousse promised her pulling her into his arms. Her eyes widened when he whispered into her ear "you kinky girl, leave your window open, I'm sneaking into your room tonight," and gave her an amorous look.

With a sharp cry, Ranma sat bolt upright in bed and realized that it had all been a dream; Akane was still a tomboy, Kuno and Kodachi costume wearing weirdos, Ryoga hated Ranma, Ukyou was a cross dressing restaurant owner, Cologne wasn't related to Mousse and hated him and Mousse was in love with Shampoo.

He moaned and promised himself never to eat Akane's cooking again.


End file.
